Some people who decide to divorce look forward to the day when they no longer have to speak to their ex. If you share children with your ex, this isn’t going to happen at least until the children are grown. You and your ex will have to find suitable ways to communicate even when the topics are contentious.
One thing to remember when planning your communication with your ex is that you should never use your children as messengers. You and your ex can choose to communicate verbally or through written means, but never through the children. There are several reasons why children passing messages between their parents is a bad idea.
Messages may be misconstrued
Messages that are relayed by other people, including children, can be misconstrued. Children may mishear things or forget exactly what was said. Arguments that could have been avoided may start if messages aren’t passed exactly right.
Harsh reactions may occur
Another reason children shouldn’t pass messages between their parents is that they may be subjected to an unwarranted, harsh reaction by a parent. The reaction may just be to the contents of the message, but the children may internalize that reaction.
Children may feel torn
Finally, children may feel as though they have to choose between their parents when they pass messages, and they shouldn’t ever be put in that position. They may be privy to information that they shouldn’t be given, which can lead to considerable harm for them.
Communication between you and your ex should be covered by the parenting plan. Some of the guidelines you can put into the plan include acceptable methods of communication, as well as times for non-urgent messages.